Finding Nemo, day one: Angoulême - Basel

On the whole, I like to think I'm a functioning grown-up, yet somehow these posts always start with my detailing a series of perfectly avoidable events which lead to circumstances under which a normal person would be able to exercise self-control. Meanwhile, I invariably find myself sitting on a train excitedly stroking a finger puppet, wearing a grin that could trigger someone to ask me if I'd like them to call an adult who could help, wondering when, exactly, my life went so terribly off the rails.

Today is no different.

It all started a year ago, when my inner camp and bouncy was awakened from a long slumber by what I believe young people call a mashup of drum and bass, falsetto, and Monty Norman on a train. Assuming they know who Monty Norman was. Naturally, I'd usually disapprove of people playing music loudly on a train, but they were wearing a fabulous frock and there were cocktails and nibbles, so I rather thought I'd like to be on that train myself. Of course I checked. There wasn't a direct 21:00 disco service from Zürich to Malmö on 11th May last year as shown on the ticket - it was just pretend.

Long story short, I was over-joyed last year when the winner was announced, and in Zug had even made a sort-of plan with my friend to get it together to go. And then it was January. I remembered, my friend remembered, but we were unable to secure tickets in the first wave. In the second wave in March, my friend got the right day but forgot, while I remembered but on the wrong day. So that didn't really help either.

Fast forward, if you haven't already started scrabbling at the exit, to Monday when while watching the first semi-final, I quickly checked again. Just out of curiosity. Then I checked again to make sure. A few times.

Nothing.

This happened many times and with nothing available or, even worse, an all-deflating message in red reading, "the offer you wish to purchase is temporarily reserved for another user", I resigned myself to my fate. I was not to find myself on track this time. On Wednesday, I casually refreshed the site again and noticed a solitary ticket at a sensible price had popped up. I clicked on it. Someone else had it in their cart.

Rude.

Then just again – for shits and giggles this time – I had another quick refresh and to my utter disbelief, there it was: a functioning "buy now" button so beautiful I momentarily thought its presence should be announced by a glittery choir of golden cherubs flying around it, strumming their tiny sparkly harps. It is rare that something actually stops me talking, but I stared at the screen like a bunny in headlights long enough that the other person in the video call I was rudely neglecting asked whether I had frozen. I explained, and weighed up whether I really needed to press that button.

I had nine minutes to complete the transaction, according to the little countdown timer in the top-right corner of the screen. I weighed food vs. frivolity. Reason vs. ridiculousness. I'd probably be better off using the money for food or, heaven forbid, normal things. And so, with about eight minutes and forty seconds remaining, I did what any responsible puppet-handler still reeling from the financial implications of the last trip would do: I found a card which authorised and bought a ticket for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Don't judge me.

I then checked Raileurope to check out the TGV situation, and was genuinely surprised at such a late stage to find a pass-holder fare on a direct TGV from Angoulême to Strasbourg. Not only that, I got a place isolée on a train which was suddenly showing full on the SNCF web site when I tried to bring up the seat map to find out where I was sitting. I broke the code.

Hurdle two.

The cost of last-minute somewheres to stay in Basel almost crushed me. I actually thought for a while that I'd have to make use of the "resell" option in the app and just skulk in a corner over the weekend. Nonetheless, I persisted in a good scour of accommodation in and around Basel and eventually found a hostel next to an S-Bahn station just over the border in Germany. I can use my pass. How (rail)jet-set.

This is how, finally, I somehow managed to get out of bed at 4:45am, and after some faffing including coffee, showers, and faffing, was at the bus stop at first light for the 6:07 to Angoulême. There weren't many people on it at first, but the closer we got to Angoulême, the more people joined. The drive itself was actually quite pretty as the sun was coming up and by 7:30 I was in the café in the station, where I sat having a coffee and a croissant over the paper until the 9:35 to Strasbourg.

The woman on the table opposite was crocheting something white. Some young tourists spoke languages.

At around 9:20 a platform was displayed and I added and activated my pass in the app, put in my first journey and found my lovely place isolée which was also facing the direction of travel. We left a few minutes late, time we had made up by the time we reached Strasbourg by rocketing through glorious sun-bathed French countryside. The views from the little one-person window seat were very lovely today.

There was quiet until Saint-Pierre-des-Corps where some adults brought a child on board whose ability to make noise was relentless. It could name animals, which was nice. It had brought Bunny, which was also nice. But also knew about cows and pigs but nothing quiet, like sloths, and could also count. As far as two. Loudly. Eventually it made a friend, who came and stood next to my seat for the last hour or so before Strasbourg. I noticed that a lot of its sentences started with "I want" – water, bunny, food – but didn't end with "doesn't get." I might just be getting old.

I occupied myself with lunch – egg sandwich, crisps, apple – and tried to doze in between rounds of hide and seek – "one, two ... one, TWO... ONE, TWO" – and bunny comparisons.

Hell is other people, and their children.

In Strasbourg I got straight onto the next train to Basel rather than hang around. The windows were a little dirty, but the views outside were pleasant anyway, better this time than in November, and I got to have a mini game of River, Mountain, Church. Albeit without the river. As we approached Basel I also managed to spy some street art from the train which was also in the app, and so by the time we arrived in Basel I was feeling sufficiently optimistic about the trip.

At the entrance to platform two a nice young man handed me a free alcohol-free BiLZ Stellare shandy – very nice – which I drank on the very well-to-do and included-in-the-pass S-Bahn to my hostel. There was no free Lady Cheese this time; perhaps it is out of season.

My hostel is rather nice, but I only spent a short time there as I quite soon found myself back on the S-Bahn in a big leathery first-class seat, riding back to Basel Bad Bahnhof. From there, I was able to make use of the free Baselcard provided by the hostel. People staying overnight in Basel are given this for the duration of their stay which allows them to use public transport for free of charge, an initiative that strikes me as very civilised indeed.

I had a little ride round on the tram six to the Eurovision Village, and then took the tram eight to the main station where I met up with someone coming in from Mulhouse. There was walking, looking at SBB souvenirs in the ticket office, street art, and ultimately some very tasty falafely goodness which was sufficiently cheap that I didn't feel horrified.

Basel is quite busy. I shall be interested to see what it's like tomorrow.